OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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