Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
