i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
