just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
