So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
