I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
