Just invented taco cereal.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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