i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
