idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
