My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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