I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
