you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
