all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
