why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
