They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
