I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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