Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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