We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
