My room smells like vodka and shame
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Never joke about your clitoris.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
