He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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