ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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