I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
