Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
