I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
