Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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