I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
