Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
