I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
