Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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