I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My cat gives me a boner
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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