ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
