i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
