He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
