my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
