I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
