If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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