as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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