I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
