my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Randomize
