did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
