Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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