There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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