one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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