when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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