My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
