Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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