I don't usually arrange sex via text message
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
