Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My balls are so social today.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
