they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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