I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
