No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
