wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
