everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
